


You're My World (My Everything)

by DimCandleLight



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Haechan Wants To Help, I Can't Give Jeno What He Deserves, I Don't Know How This Happen, I Love 00 Liners, I Love RenMin With My Whole Being, Jaemin Is Tired, Jeno..., Jisung Just Wants Some Friends, M/M, My First AO3 Post, RenLe Is The Definition Of Soft, This Is Not Supposed To Be, mark is just mentioned, renjun is tired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 22:56:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17395286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DimCandleLight/pseuds/DimCandleLight
Summary: Everything was messed up and Renjun was drained. Years of holding on to a hope, that /really small/ hope which believed in staying by Jaemin's side, had started to take a toll on him. He was not sure on how long he would be able to persist.Everything was screwed up and Jaemin was tired. Years of locking up his true feelings, the nagging tugs of emotions playing with his mind and heart, had begun to take a toll on him. He was not certain on how long he would be able to hold up.





	You're My World (My Everything)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay I've to admit that I don't know half of what I'm doing so please forgive me. Do give RenMin lots of love! <3

**1 Too slow but too fast**

 

"Can I kiss you?" Jaemin whispered with a tinge hint of desperation in his voice. Almost chortling his drink out of his nostrils, Renjun put down the can of beer in his shaking hand onto the table in front of them before he could cause a disaster. Taeyong would deﬁnitely not like having to clean after the younger boy's mess on top of nursing his hangover, and Renjun did not want to push past the limit of his younger-cousin's-best friend's-privileges.

  
"You're drunk."

  
Renjun huffed out air after his statement and avoided looking at Jaemin completely, just like how he missed answering the question. It was unfair, really, how could the boy ﬂuster him even when he's not fully conscious? However, he knew. Renjun knew he had no one else to blame except himself, as his housemate; Jeno, kept throwing at his face since middle school year; "You're disgustingly whipped for him, idiot. Too far gone, and a coward too while we're at it." _(Jeno truly deserved the pillow ﬂying towards his face not to long after, resulting in a shriek and a loud thud as his chair fell backwards.)_

  
A sudden cold touch on his lips surprised Renjun out of his journey down the memory lane while he startled backward in his seat.

  
"I might be drunk, but you're really cute. And your lips... so kissable," Jaemin said with a dreamy voice, face plastered with his signature blinding smile, the boy having the audacity to pouted at both Renjun's fully ﬂushed face, _(the sober boy was no longer sure if it was the alcohol or the proximity between them)_ and his cursed _(read:blessed)_ index ﬁnger. Renjun gulped nervously, his hands trembling by his side, and scooted further on the couch, away from the drunk boy's reach.

  
"Nana, you should stop. This isn't even funny, and we're best friends. No best friends kiss, even when one of them are drunk," Renjun reprimanded the other with a bitter taste on his tongue. The phrase _best friend_ sounded way better when he was whining to his roommate than when he had to refrain himself from leaping onto Jaemin right then, as the ethereal boy insisted on kissing him for who know what reason.

  
"Best friends..." Jaemin's eyes drooped to resemble ones of puppies, and Renjun had to hold his breath to prevent himself from just dropping his invisible barrier right then and kissing the long dark lashes brushing against Jaemin's cheeks again and again.

  
"But I wanna be more than best friends!" Jaemin threw his hands in the air, tone similar to a kid being denied of an ice cream cone, and Renjun's heart clenched painfully. The beauty that was his long time crush, now with scrunched up face, grabbed both his wrists before he could jump away and stared right into his eyes. "...don't you?"

  
It took Renjun exactly ﬁve seconds to look away from Jaemin's chapped lips and process that he was trapped on the couch with a drunk Jaemin holding tight his wrists, another two seconds for him to realise that Jaemin had asked a question, and three full seconds before it ﬁnally hit him what the question implied. Sputtering, Renjun tried to pull his hands away but to no avail, the taller male had him rooted to the spot for good. "I-I...Jaemin, you're drunk so let me get you to bed, okay?"

  
If Jaemin was sober, he would have seen right past Renjun's blatant attempt to divert the question, but he was not, and what the other boy did afterwards was another shock Renjun was not sure he could ever forget.

  
"Bed...for sleep? I don't wanna sleep. I just want you to reciprocate my feelings. Is that possible?" Jaemin spouted his words easily, his voice dropping to the lowest octave Renjun had heard from him, and the shorter boy could not stop a shiver from running down his back.

  
"Jaem...I..."

  
It was _impossible_. Not with Jaemin just a week ago having broken up with Mark, a great senior who Renjun had worked with before, and this episode happening caused by the amount of beer the heartbroken boy had consumed in his and his cousin's living room after crying-telling Renjun how Mark had seemed like the right guy after so many attempts, after so many other unsuccessful dates. Not with Renjun's heart telling him to stop the small lingering hope which blossomed every night Jaemin had his heart broken and drunk enough to confess these kinds of things again, only to not remember what had happened, afterwards.

 

 

**2 So far away**

  
"You're back."

  
A familiar voice trailed into Renjun's ears as he slipped past the door and locked it. He looked up to ﬁnd Jeno with a black cat on his lap, the boy giving him a worried look.

  
"Hey. Why aren't you sleeping yet?" He asked and hid a stifled yawn behind his hand. The cat in Jeno's lap, or her lame name which the eye-smiling boy had given, Grass, purred with content as Jeno stroked her fur and closed her eyes, hiding her green pupils out of Renjun's sight.

  
Jeno took a beat to answer the question, staring at Renjun's birthmark with the help of the dim light from the abandoned television before looking up. "I can't sleep...plus you left in the middle of our movie night looking like the world has been swept off from under your feet or something, so naturally I get worried. You haven't read any of my messages too," he stated calmly.

  
Renjun could feel the guilt washed over him as he walked over to Jeno, eyes scanning cautiously over Grass' body for a measure ( _he had never really like the cat Jeno brought in from the street but still bought milk and cat's food every week in exchange to Jeno's time for listening to his whine about- ehem- Jaemin_ ) and offered an apologetic smile to his housemate. He wanted to plop beside Jeno on the couch, to snuggle close and perhaps resume the movie Renjun had enthusiastically chosen himself, but he might not be able to get up forever if he did so.

  
"It's Jaemin. Taeyong hyung left for his brother's wedding preparation, and he needs company for a round of drink." Renjun explained slowly, bracing himself for the lecture that he was sure about to come.

  
Sighing, Jeno gave him an exasperated look. "Injun...you already know my view on this situation you're in with Jaemin, right? Although by the look of it, you don't mind my words at all," he lamented and ran his hand through Grass' fur.

Biting his lower lips hard, Renjun nodded and steeled his expression. He had mastered the art of schooling his expression, to the point where even Jaemin could not read his discomfort to the stories that the youngest of their group of four had about his many dates, and even Jeno complaining that he did not know anymore if Renjun's silent nowadays means he's agreeing or he's hurting.

  
Long gone was the old Renjun with his snaggletooth showing whenever his bright smile appeared, and Renjun could ﬁrmly say that he did not know the boy who wore his heart on his sleeve anymore. Not since high school when Jaemin confessed that he liked Jeno, and the cat lover falling for his charms reluctantly despite Renjun insisting that he was okay. Not even when the couple broke up after graduation on good terms, deciding that long term relationship would not work, especially one which had turned dull after years of tranquility.

  
"You've to stop this, okay? You're only hurting yourself, and Jaemin...he's stupidly oblivious to your feelings after all these years. You deserve better, okay Injun?" Jeno asked, his tone bordering on pleading, and Renjun was harshly reminded to a younger boy with eye-smiles disappearing, asking for his forgiveness because he felt it was a crime he had committed of liking someone.

  
"I know. Goodnight, Jeno." With a nod, Renjun spun on his heels and trod towards his bedroom. If he sensed Jeno's sharp gaze on his back along the way, or the way Jeno sucked a breath in disbelief knowing that he did not plan to put a stop to anything, the boy with reddish blond hair did not show anything that inclined to it.

  
Letting a heavy breath fell out of his lips, Jeno eyed the cat on his lap and chuckled bitterly. "He bought the lie, Grass. Can you believe it? He thought I'm just worried for my roommate. Stupid heart having to go and be stolen by someone who has his heart shattered to pieces many times. Let's just sleep together tonight, kay Grass?"

  
As he lifted up the cat into his arms, the cat squinted his green eyes at him as if being judgmental of his state, making Jeno let out a low breathy laugh. "My allergy won't kill me, Grass. My housemate breaking his heart again and again in front of my eyes while I hesitate what to do...might tho, who knows?"

  
The steps Jeno took to his bedroom felt heavy, as if the secrets he had sworn to bring to his grave had decided to collectively bully him tonight. Faltering outside Renjun's closed door, Jeno stared at the picture tacked on the door by ﬁfteen-years-old-Jeno as a birthday surprise. The colour in the picture was washed out, as if mocking the fact that the four boys in its focus were no longer the epitome of happiness and innocent dreams of the highest sky level they could reach.

  
Jeno easily recognised his own face beaming positively in the picture, his arm slotting perfectly around Renjun's shoulders. The Chinese boy's eyes were shooting hearts to his left, and Jeno did not know if he wanted to cry or to laugh when he noticed that Renjun was not looking fondly at how their mutual best friends were strangling each other in the middle of the classroom, as how he had always seemed to perceive before. After a prolonged stare, Jeno could say conﬁdently, albeit with strong wave of sadness washing over him, that the younger version of his roommate was looking at Jaemin's wrist, where a familiar glistening cuff could be seen.

 

 

**3 Does not matter if it's day or night**

  
When Donghyuck saw one quarter of his best friends walking into the cafe where he worked part time every weekend, looking like the taller male was beaten by gangsters last night, he quickly asked Jisung to cover for him. The younger boy almost complained when he handed the cloth in his hand and told him to clean the table near the door, but took a second to comply when he saw who was heading to the counter. Donghyuck had to hold in his boisterous laugh at that. Jisung must had really hated how Jaemin pinched his cheek every time the boy came.

  
"Morning. Your usual?" Donghyuck let his smile took over his worried frown and reached for the cups without waiting for Jaemin's response. The boy took his sweet time heaving his butt onto the stool before answering him.

  
"Yeah, thanks Hyuck," Jaemin muttered with his gruffly morning voice before face planting himself on the cold marble surface of the counter which Donghyuck had wiped clean just minutes before. For a moment, Donghyuck gave his gratitude to whoever it was that held the usual swarm of customers the cafe had on weekends, for that morning. He was not sure what his supervisor, a good-natured hyung going by the name of Taeil, would do if he found out that Jaemin was not as clean freak as his older cousin was in the cafe.

  
Ten seconds were how long Donghyuck allowed for silence to take place between them, saved from the noise of coffee machine he was using to make the disgusting mix of Jaemin's usual morning drink. "Say, Jaem?" He started off patiently. The other boy hummed to let him know that he was alive. "Did something happen between you and Renjun again?"

  
The question had Jaemin whipping his head up so fast Donghyuck almost lost his grip around the cup in his hand due to his surprise. "Why? Did he say something to you this time?" The wrecked boy asked almost frantically, his eyes wide blown in what Donghyuck would call as fear.

  
"Nope, but is there something you would like to tell me instead?" Donghyuck made sure Jaemin heard the dripping sweetness in his voice before giving him his cup of coffee. The bulkier boy almost instantly folded into himself again, his broad shoulders sagging slightly. "Ah..."

  
In spite of the fact that he was impatient to know the details, Donghyuck patted his friend's head soothingly. "There, there... tell me. What's wrong this time?" He coaxed again, his voice full of pure concern.

  
"I am, Hyuck. I must be so stupid!" Jaemin relented ﬁnally and took an angry slurp of his drink. Donghyuck schooled his face so that his grimace did not show when the other male looked up, this time ready to tell his story. No matter how much Donghyuck loved his friends, he had to agree with Renjun that the youngest of them four drunk a nasty concoction regularly.

  
"So I want to get wasted again, right, because I'm so frustrated with how Mark hyung just gets over me so easily-" Donghyuck had to snuck in a sharp breath at that, hiding how he felt when the name of the older boy who had confessed to him last night was mentioned- "and I call Renjun over, so he came. He...he looks so pretty, Hyuck! My heart cannot take it!"

  
"But yet you doesn't die with a heart attack, just like every other times. Your point?" Donghyuck asked, his face void of anything that could give his feelings away, knowing how this story would go. Thankfully, Jaemin was too immersed in his story that he did not notice Donghyuck's hands trembling before he shoved them under the counter.

  
Pouting childishly, Jaemin took the liberty to gulp down his coffee and ignoring Donghyuck's level of patience running low. "I asked if I could kiss him, okay? He's probably putting it off as me being drunk again, just like the other day-" Jaemin's words was cut half when Donghyuck vengefully clicked his tongue just to annoy the other male.

  
"You mean, just like the other days when you kissed him on the cheek, told him you like him, spilled that you want to boop his nose not as a friend-" Donghyuck was counting these things with his ﬁngers held up one by one, the word 'days' as in the plural resolutely spilling out of his mouth. Jaemin instantly pulled down his hand with blushes on his cheeks, but in a distance Donghyuck saw Jisung hiding his amused smile.

  
"Okay, okay, these instances are always happening to me, I know, Hyuck!" Jaemin let go of his hand to swing his hands in the air with an air of frustration while his eyes glistened ever so slightly. If Donghyuck had not had this conversation before, he would not notice how down his friend look compared to his usual demeanor.

  
"Hey. Hey, Jaem. Na Jaemin," Donghyuck reached for the boy's hand softly, dropping his playfulness completely in favour of trying to offer help. His childhood friend took a minute to look into his eyes again, and Donghyuck knew what he had to do when the other boy had tears pooling in his eyes.

  
"I've always told you that you should tell him that you like him, but of course you have to complicate everything." If possible, Jaemin hunched into himself even more at that, forcing Donghyuck to tug his hand slightly, because, you know, attention was the key. Simple principle.

  
"Tell him the truth, Jaemin. Don't let him go if you really love him, and giving him mixed signals would only confuse him more. Renjun is a sensible one, he's always been. Out of all the options, he stays with you, right? So tell him that you see him more than a friend, before things get even more complicated," he said wistfully, knowing that the words had more sides to them than implied in Jaemin and Renjun's case.

 

 

 **4 The Wish For You and Me To Be Forever**  
  
Wanting to get some fresh air was Renjun's excuse when Jeno looked up from his bowl of cereal, a black cap already hiding his tousled bed hair perfectly from any prying eyes. He was just exhausted, all the heavy implications of the situation he was in weighting him down, and Renjun did not need Jeno's sympathy looks early in the morning.

  
As soon as the cold morning air hit his face, Renjun let a small smile took over his features. When the elevator dinged at the ground ﬂoor, all it took was a minute of stretching before Renjun shot off on his feet, running from something, or somewhere, somewhat pleasantly surprised at how his stamina had not fail him yet even as he was sure he had gotten rusty from the break of healthy life styles. What halted his steps twenty minutes later was someone he clearly did not expect to see when he was in the kind of state he was in; beads of sweat running down his neck and hairlines, ears red from the cold air, and grey shirt sticking to his back uncomfortably.

  
"Jaemin." Renjun uttered the boy's name and slowed down his steps. Wiping off his sweat and trying to keep his composure, Renjun managed a quick smile directed to the boy.

  
"Uh, Injun...Hey!" Jaemin smiled asymmetrically, a weird change as if he was as ﬂustered as Renjun to bump into each other in the morning at the area of Renjun and Jeno's apartment, right when Renjun was dripping with sweat and positively reeking of...something that deﬁnitely did not smell like cologne. This exact thought stopped Renjun short a few steps from the boy with blonde hair, his face contorted of displeasure and worry.

  
A strange silence ﬁlled the space between them, and Renjun tried his best to ﬁght it off. "So...uh...what are you doing here?"

  
Jaemin struggled to not meet Renjun's eyes, which was an unusual occurrence for the ﬂirtatious boy, and directed his words to Renjun's shoes instead. "I...had breakfast at Hyuck's cafe. Nearby."

  
Realizing that the other was not gonna elaborate how he had gotten a good mile away from the cafe where Donghyuck worked at, Renjun racked his brain to ﬁnd something they could talk about, but his mouth had automatically worked without ﬁlter from his brain. "Oh, did you get something for your hangover? Or perhaps the coffee helps?"

  
The way Jaemin ﬂinched at his words did not go unnoticed although the boy was not exactly hiding it, so Renjun's overworked mind quickly conjured up his biggest worry. _Did Jaemin remember what had happen last night? Was that why he was acting strange? Because he made a huge mistake of trying to kiss his best friend?_

  
"Listen-" Renjun started at the same time Jaemin spoke up; "About last night..."

 

Both of them went quiet, awkward looks exchanged while panic made its way into both of the boys' hearts.

  
"You ﬁrst," Renjun said, his tongue darting out to lick his lips nervously. Jaemin gulped at that, nerves skyrocketing with words scattered everywhere he almost forgot what he was about to say.

  
"It's all an act." Jaemin said finally with so much weight, looking weary as if this was taking a toll to his body. Renjun sensed his own eyes welled up and formed ﬁsts with his hands at his sides. His mind was telling him to calm down, listen to what the other boy had to say, but he was never one to listen. "That's all it's to you, right? An act? A drunken one, perhaps?" His heart, full of emotions, had taken over at this point, and Renjun knew he had not long before tears overcome the  
barriers in his blurry eyes.

  
Jaemin was baﬄed, to say the least. He looked like he was contemplating whether to reach out and pat Renjun's head or run away from this whole conversation.

 

"I..."

  
"I'm tired of being the one who you only need when you're in trouble, Jaemin. This has to stop." Renjun's words had ﬁnality in it, but that was not what stopped Jaemin from grabbing his hand, to make him stop saying all that hurtful words. It was the way Renjun's shoulders tremored uncontrollably as the smaller boy turned and ran from his reach. He had never seen Renjun hiding his tears from him before, not after their ﬁrst sleepover when he approached the boy sniﬄing into his blanket because he was homesick, near the wall of Donghyuck's bedroom years ago.

  
This time, Renjun did not want Jaemin to see he was crying, not because they were not close, but because of him being the reason the tears had fallen.

 

 

**5 I'll be your home**

"Ge, this is Chenle. Jeno hyung said you'ven't leave your room at all since two days ago. Are you still sleeping?" A slightly-built boy knocked on a beige door, his face troubled. A feeble "hmmph" could be heard inside before a faint shuﬄing sound accompanied with a loud thud echoed.

  
"Renjun ge?" Chenle leaned against the door, his ears pricking up to catch anymore sound. Suddenly, the door swung open. Chenle fumbled in panic before a strong hand shot out to hold him against the doorway, effectively stopping him from falling face ﬁrst.

  
"Zhong, you're still clumsy as ever." Renjun said, smiling as he let the younger boy go from his grasp, but Chenle could tell from the red nose and puffy eyes that his favourite older friend was not in his greatest condition.

  
"Ge..." Chenle mumbled and pulled the boy into a tight embrace. "Are you okay?"

  
A pregnant silence was quick to ﬁll the hallway.

  
"Chenle, please...I'm scared-" Renjun broke down at last and started to cry, effectively killing the silence. His tears fell freely, each batch starting heavy after one stopped, ugly sobs threatening to choke his throat. Taken aback, Chenle took a second to gather his wits and abandoned his surprise to Renjun's sudden display of emotions to tighten his embrace around the older boy.

  
"Oh, ge..." he murmured and patted Renjun's back gently. "It's okay, you can be scared and cry. But I'm here, okay? I'm here for you and I'm not leaving your side."

  
From the corner of his eyes, Chenle saw Jeno walking towards them, steps hesitant and face full of worries. Silently, he gestured towards Jeno that it was okay. With left hand wild in the air, Chenle had to hold in a sigh when the older male frowned but left them all the same. Thanking all the deities, Chenle tugged Renjun's shoulders and pulled them apart for a second. "Can I sleep with you tonight? I'll listen to everything you want to say," he asked softly.

  
Renjun sniﬄed and nodded a bit, not trusting his voice to not crack. Turning around, both of them made their way inside the bedroom and into the bed. As soon as they were nestled nicely between the duvet and the plushies, Chenle grabbed Renjun's hand and smiled up at him.

  
"Ge, can you tell me what are you scared of?" He prodded slowly. The older boy snuggled closer, his bangs falling over his puffy eyes before he opened his mouth.

"Away from Jaemin. This is probably the longest we've gone on without a single contact. I-" Renjun huffed a deep breath, trying to calm himself a little and Chenle squeezed his hand reassuringly. "-I'm scared, Chenle. What if we're really falling apart because I told him to stay away? To stop? It's my fault for letting him go on with his unhealthy habit, but I went off on him..."

  
Chenle frowned and reached out to caress Renjun's cheek. "Ge, it's not your fault if he stops putting the burden of his life onto your shoulders. It's not a mistake to tell him to stop treating you like garbage, and it certainly isn't yours that he treated you like that. You deserve so much better, ge." He soothed Renjun's anxiety away in comforting voice, hands not leaving Renjun's.

  
"But it feels wrong to put distance between us like this..."

  
"Would you like to meet him soon, then? To talk out things, perhaps? I can shoot him a message anytime you want."

  
"No. I'm not ready. Not yet," Renjun denied immediately.

  
For a while, Chenle busied his hand with tracing random shapes on Renjun's hand and admired the birthmark imprinted on it.

  
"Chenle?"

  
"Yeah?"

  
"Is it bad that I still worry about him? Even after all what he had done? Jaemin is just... he's just hopeless sometimes and he doesn't take care of himself well, but he is very affectionate to everyone he cares about," Renjun worried his bottom lips with his teeth, eyes ﬁxated on their intertwined hands instead of Chenle's eyes full of fondness.

  
"Ge. I'm not really in the position to tell you the answer to that, but you know what?"

  
"Hmm?"

  
When Renjun slowly looked up at him, Chenle smiled sweetly, hoping that his sincerity showed. "I worry about you too, you know. Every time."

 

 

**6 I believe we feel the same ( _I need you right here_ )**

  
[Devil Sun Hyung]:

_Is any of our usual customers in the cafe yet?_

  
[Mochisung]:

_Nah_

  
Donghyuck had said that he was gonna take a break and walk around for a bit. As the "calm period" (what Jisung and Donghyuck dubbed the time when the cafe was void from any high school students squealing over their phone screens, or adults in suit sighing into their phones) was near, he let the boy left him in the cafe alone. That was why, when Jisung was locking his phone and someone groaned behind him, naturally, he panicked.

  
The tall boy did not stop shouting his throat hoarse until he was spun around by ﬁrm hands and a familiar face greeted his eyes. "Hey, kid, stop screaming! Woah, I'm really, really sorry."

  
Taking a deep breath with his nose, Jisung clamped his mouth shut. "Jaemin hyung," he mumbled weakly. The aforementioned boy grinned lopsidedly, his right hand leaving Jisung's shoulder.

  
"Sorry, you shocked me. Donghyuck hyung is on his break," Jisung explained slowly.

  
"No, it's okay. I'm sorry too, I thought you saw me coming in," Jaemin smiled with genuine amusement in his eyes and hand brought up to rub his nape, "putting that aside, will it be long until Donghyuck return?"

  
"Uhm..." Jisung glanced at the clock hanging on the wall before remembering that it needed new batteries. "Yeah. Probably, considering he went out just a bit ago? Do you want to leave a message for him?"

  
"No, it's okay. I'll just wait for him, then," Jaemin tried for his signature smile again, but his frustration appeared in Jisung's observant eyes.

  
"Ah, then, would you like a drink?" Jisung was awkward, he knew that much. He was obviously trying to prolong their conversation painstakingly, that much he was sure Jaemin could see himself. Hence, when the older male stopped himself from shaking his head and curved a small smile for him, Jisung could feel unspoken lingering gratitude in his heart.

  
"I'll take a cup of iced Americano with extra espresso. Thank you so much, Jisung."

  
A couple minutes later, Jisung was walking towards Jaemin's seated table, his hands occupied with a tray. "Here's your drink, hyung. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

  
For a second, Jaemin looked like he had something to say. His mouth hung open. Then his expression changed, and suddenly his sad smile was there. "It's okay. Thank you for asking," he told Jisung before turning sideways to look at the street solemnly through the window.

  
Jisung was bewildered, to say the least. He was used to two types of Jaemin. One being of Jaemin bursting into the cafe with too much energy fuelled by caffeine in the mornings. Second, a Jaemin who limped towards the counter _(read: Donghyuck)_ with face crestfallen. Either types of Jaemin usually had his mouth running on optimised  
engine about his mutual friend with Donghyuck, and apparently also his crush? Jisung had yet to meet this boy named Renjun. Anyhow, this was his ﬁrst time meeting a Jaemin who refused to talk to him and did not attempt to pinch his cheeks.

  
[Mochisung]:

_Jaemin hyung is here for you_

  
_Is everything okay?_

  
_He ordered iced americano_

  
_With extra espresso_

  
_He hasn't order that for a week_

 

  
[Devil Sun Hyung]:

_Jaemin is there??_

  
_Shit_

  
_I'm heading back now_

  
[Mochisung]:

_What why?_

  
_Hyung??_

  
Before Jisung could sulk because he needed that explanation, dammit, the bell on the door jingled. Quickly, he slipped his phone under the counter and looked up to greet two boys with his costumed service smile. "Hello and good evening, what would you like to order?" He asked nicely. With a hand pulling the tab of set system for customer order, Jisung was at least starstruck when one of the boy smiled at him. The boy with a watch around his pale wrist had a nice smile, and Jisung is weak to boys with nice smile. He suddenly had an urge to coo.

  
"One cup of hot chocolate for me, please," the boy with a nice smile said and tugged the other boy's arm and peeked at his bright phone screen. "Renjun ge, what do you and Jeno hyung said you want again?"

  
Jisung could feel his adrenaline rushing in his blood veins at the name. He tried not to make it obvious, but his eyes darted towards the shorter male subconsciously. Under the counter, his phone vibrated with a notiﬁcation of a message from Donghyuck. Before him, the boy, who was wearing a pair of round spectacles, showed his phone screen to the boy with nice smile dejectedly. "Chenle-ah, Jeno says the parking is almost full, he's probably gonna take some time. And he wants iced chocolate. I'm just gonna drink-"

  
"-jasmine tea? Injun," Jaemin was suddenly by Renjun's side. When did he got up? His voice wavered, Jisung noticed. Jaemin's tone was bordering between a whisper and a longing sigh, and Jisung felt the need to step in. Or run away from the whole scene. His brain could not process these kinds of tensed situation well. Before he could second guess his actions, Jisung inquired; "Are you guys here for Donghyuck hyung too?

  
"Yeah," The boy whose smile made Jisung swooned, or Chenle as he was previously called, whispered at the same time as the bell perched on top of the door jingled again.

  
"Jisung-ah!" Donghyuck made his presence known through the door, panting heavily. As soon as he saw four of them; Jisung with his panicked grimace, Chenle with a tight smile, Jaemin with teary eyes, and Renjun who stared at him intently, his face turned ashen white in an instant.

  
"Oh no," was all Donghyuck had to say before he fell silent. His eyes darted to and fro between Jaemin and Renjun with something Jisung would call as worry, but his small eyes could as well be deceived by the light.

  
"Renjun, let's talk. I've something to explain," Jaemin turned to Renjun, his eyes pleading and his hands reaching out towards the shorter male.

  
"I don't want to listen to anything to you've to say." Renjun's voice is hard, his whole body angled towards Jisung. The part timer consciously observed his trembling hands and how the older boy seemed to avoid Jaemin's hand.

  
"Please, Renjun. I..." Jaemin desperately reached out again, his shoulders tense under his white tee.

  
"I don't need to listen to you! I don't want to!" Renjun burst out without meaning to. His eyes widened after his outburst and he shrunk into himself more, making him looked impossibly smaller. "Sorry, I... I mean, I can't... you, I don't..."

  
At this point, Jisung felt like he needed to intervene. He did not want to jump to conclusions, but both boys seemed like they need some time to sort things out, or so he thought. Someone clearly did not think so, as another boy, this time with sharp jawlines set so tight he looked like he was ready to ﬁght, barged in between Jaemin and Renjun. When did he even get into the cafe? Jisung distractedly noted that the newcomer's nostrils were ﬂared up and his shoulders were squared.

  
"Renjun doesn't want to talk to you," he huffed angrily,"which part of that sentence do you not understand?"

  
Jaemin's expression shifted scarily fast to something unreadable. "I didn't ask you, Lee Jeno," his voice was dropping an octave lower, and Jisung saw his eyes focused somewhere behind Jeno, where a tuft of blonde hair could be seen.

  
"Yeah, and Renjun isn't obligated to listen to your bullshit," Jeno spit out. Whoever this guy was, Jisung had to pay him respect for standing straight like that before Jaemin, who was steaming hot by then. It happened in a ﬂash, and the second after Jisung blinked, Jaemin had his hands ﬁsted around Jeno's collar. "You think you can say that just because you're in his good book? Don't think I don't know how you're silently pining after him months after we broke up!" He shouted with annoyance heightened in the air.

  
At that, Jeno spluttered. Although Jisung could not be sure if it was because of his windpipe getting less oxygen than ideal, or at the truth spilled over. Behind him, Renjun gasped softly and gaped at both boys' ﬁgures. Quickly, Chenle grabbed his hand and squeezed them hard. Huh. Jisung was not jealous at all. That tinge of emotion was just confusion of all these commotions.

In response, Jeno gripped Jaemin's right hand, his eyes steeled like he was about to do things he was not going to be forgiven for. "And that makes you better than me, how? You're just the same, or even worse, since at least I don't date boys after boys because I'm too afraid to admit my feelings!" He countered back.

  
Jaemin could only see red, and he would have swing his ﬁst if not because Donghyuck pulled Jeno away from him. He took a second to realize that Jisung was holding him back, and Jisung had a death grip even when he was scared, plus he was not going to hurt anyone he cared about. Na Jaemin might be a fool, but he did not intend to harm.

  
"Guys, stop. That's enough," Donghyuck ordered sternly. He refused to look at both Jeno and Jaemin in the eyes, both who had the decency to look shameful.  In a wave, it hit Jaemin how Renjun had to be listening to all of what they had shouted. Immediately, his eyes searched for Renjun. The boy was no longer blocked from his sight by Jeno's broad built, but the boy did not look any better than either of them. In fact, he appeared to be more shaken up than he probably would like to let. At the moment, their eyes met and Renjun was so ethereal with all sort of genuine emotions passing on his face, that Jaemin struggled to root himself to reality.

  
"Boys? What are you guys doing?" Taeil, the cafe owner, and to Jaemin's dread, Taeyong, the cafe co-owner and his older cousin, walked in with confusion written all over their faces.

  
"Jaemin, I change my mind. Let's talk outside," Renjun stepped to the front, his hand reaching out to grab Jaemin's hand out of habit before he realized what he was actually doing. As if on ﬁre, Renjun dropped his hand to his side and looked at Jisung expectantly.

  
"Jisung, right? Can you let him go? Please?"

  
Taken out of his trance, Jisung pulled his hands away and watched as Jaemin followed Renjun outside. After a loud silence, Taeyong cleared his throat. "Jeno, Donghyuck, Jisung and Chenle. What happened?"

  
All Jisung had wanted was a ﬁne day working, or new friends, but of course he got a day full of drama instead.

 

 

**7 (I Know) The Future of Us Is Not Clear**

  
"So..." Jaemin started after a full minute of staring silently at the ground. He spared a glance towards the cafe where he could see Donghyuck's guilty face, vaguely reminding himself to treat the boy for ice cream. Looking aside, Renjun visibly ﬂinched. He had stopped drawing intangible shapes on the ground with his worn out sneaker, but he was still not looking at Jaemin.

  
"I don't think you brought me out just to draw on the dirt. Your right shoe is getting dirty, Injun-ah," Jaemin said carefully, assessing every miniscule of Renjun's reactions.

  
"...Taeyong hyung."

  
"Hm?" Jaemin leaned in, trying to make sense of what Renjun had just mumbled.

  
"I know how much you hate being nagged at by Taeyong hyung," Renjun admitted curtly. Jaemin stared at the boy beside him for a while before realising that he was never going to get a detailed explanation.

  
"Besides," Renjun's voice stopped Jaemin from ﬁguring out how to break the tension between them, "you did said that you want to explain something to me."

  
Before Jaemin could think as to how he was going to respond to that, Renjun straightened his back and stared right into his eyes. Serious and unblinking. Jaemin had started to feel scared.

  
"I also need an elaboration of what Jeno had said just now. About your feelings. And what scares you from admitting them," Renjun added slowly, his voice not at all wavering. Suddenly, Jaemin forgot to breathe. All he could hear was Renjun's voice, repeating the same sentences over and over again.

  
_"I'm tired."_

  
_"This has to stop."_

  
_"I don't want to listen."_

  
_"I don't need to listen."_

  
_"Tired."_

  
_"Stop."_

  
"Jaemin? Jaem? I'm not going anywhere until you give me answers," Renjun touched Jaemin's right hand gently, but since when did he start to hold Renjun's wrist? Bewildered, he loosened his tight grip around Renjun's wrist, but the Chinese quickly put his warm hand on top of Jaemin's and smiled at him. "It's okay. Take your time and tell me."

  
That was it. It had always been like that. Renjun's presence alone was comforting, and Jaemin secretly wished he knew how much he valued the other in his life. Heaving a deep breath, Jaemin slotted his ﬁngers into the space between Renjun's ﬁngers and tried for a smile. It turned out strange, a bit stiff even, but Renjun's expression went softer and that was all that mattered to him.

  
"I'm sorry, Renjun-ah. I'm so stupid. I-" Jaemin gulped nervously but did not look away from Renjun's expectant eyes, the boy deserved at least that much- "I admit to what Jeno accuses me of. I've... feelings for you, and I don't know how to act on it, you're just so beautiful, inside out, and every time I spent with you, it's like my brain just stops functioning properly. For that, I'm sorry."

  
Renjun squeezed his hand reassuringly, and Jaemin gave him a grateful smile in turn. "I dated many boys, and about that, I've to tell you this one thing. You know how I drunk after each breakup and did weird things, like things...things that friends don't normally do to each other?"

  
When Renjun nodded, Jaemin brought their intertwined hands up in the air and stared at them. "I mean everything I've said before. You're cute. You're pretty. You're beautiful. You're handsome. I want to kiss you. I liked you, love you, and will always love you. You, Huang Renjun, deserve someone so much better, someone who doesn't treat you like I did. Again, I'm really sorry. You can hate me after this, and I wouldn't be mad at you."

  
_"I can't ever be mad at you,"_   Jaemin wanted to add, but he did not. Scared, he did not dare to look at the boy in front of him in the eyes after his confession. He was positive that his cheeks was burning by now, and Renjun's hand just felt so perfect in his hand. Would he ever get to hold him again after this? Jaemin's heart was beating erratically against his rib cage at this point, waiting for what the other might reply.

  
"Are...are you sure that you love me? Not infatuated, not like, but love?" Renjun's small voice almost broke Jaemin's heart. He sounded curious, but more importantly he sounded afraid.

  
"Yeah. Yes. Love. I love you, Huang Renjun. Have done for a long time."

  
A warm smooch surprised Jaemin out of the blue. He went wide eyes when Renjun kept on kissing his knuckles one by one, brown eyes staring back at him intensely. The boldness Huang Renjun had and shown was dizzying, to say the least. Jaemin did not want to blink his eyes, afraid of missing even one second of it, but he felt like fainting. After Renjun was ﬁnished, he pulled Jaemin closer and wrapped his arms around him.

  
"I'm in love with you too, Na Jaemin. Have been for a long time," he whispered into Jaemin's right ear.

  
It cost Jaemin one second to return to reality. When he did, he immediately pulled apart and gaped wonderingly at Renjun. "Wait. Injun, did you really say that? I am not imagining things? You...you love me? How...?"

  
Blushes, pink and pretty, spread over Renjun's cheeks in an instant. "If I don't love you, I wouldn't stay with you for this long, you dumbass," he ﬁred. That was when it hit Jaemin how exquisite Renjun was. Blushing, eyes ﬂeeting and not meeting him in shy, mouth on savage mode as if his words were the only defence he had known of. Jaemin knew the other boy was physically able to smack him in the chest for still staring at him dumbly, but he could not help to wonder if he was dreaming.

  
"Renjun, I really, really love you," Jaemin spoke out loud, inclining his head closer to Renjun in case the boy did not hear him. His heart felt like bursting, and he needed to say it many times, to ﬁnally admit his feelings to the world.

 

Renjun was his world.

  
"And I love you too," Renjun whispered softly and leaned in to land his lips on Jaemin's.

 

He had to believe this.

 

Jaemin's world loved him back.

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you've made it this far, then I owe you a chocolate chip cookie! ;D
> 
> I swear I just want to contribute to RenMin's tag, I don't intend to write an angst ;-; 
> 
> The title is inspired by The Grace's song, "My Everything"! Also I feel that the end is kinda forced and I should've done better, but I don't want to destroy the little beauty this ugly duckling of my writing had (._.)" *starts to sweat nervously* 
> 
> I'm really tired when I finished editing and I'm sure there would be mistakes (I'm really sorry...) but my computer battery is dying and I need to be quick so-
> 
> Leave me comments/ Tell me how much I mess up/ Rant about RenMin below :)


End file.
